Slept on a bed, black wavy hairs, tall and handsome, a face of an angel, damn he looked divine. It all started with that bloody door. It was never like that. It was always our hall behind it. at midnight when everyone was sleeping and obviously, I wanted to go to bed too, this happened. I felt thirsty, so I went to take a glass of water, there was no hall behind the door, it was another one’s bedroom. Such a divine creature, I could bend to my knees for his beauty. moving side to side, maybe he was having a nightmare, who can annoy that innocent face? I wanted to take a sit and look at him all night, but he wasn’t in a good situation. Wished I could stay and hold him when he is awake, looking for shelter and he sees nobody around. The urge to do it is killing me. Lord, though it’s the first time I’m seeing him, it’s like I know him for ages, feeling a deep connection with my soul. He was about to wake up. Closed the door, sitting on my bed, I could hear him panting, shed a tear that I couldn’t be there. What should I tell him? Coming from a door which connected my room to yours? Come on, after that nightmare, no stranger is trusted. I was peeping through the keyhole. His eyes were closed, was he completely conscious? I tried to sleep but my mind was thinking about Vertigo. Let’s call him that. It’s because every time I see him, I don’t know how to act, considering the fact he is asleep and not even aware of my presence. It was my every night routine, opening the door and sitting and watching him the whole time. I couldn’t sleep next to his bed. If he felt my presence and opened his eyes, he would freak out, he may even have heart attack because of it. I’m taking it too hard, but who doesn’t when feel stuck. By the way, I couldn’t run right away if he opened his eyes. One of the nights, I was sitting by his bed like always, but This time felt different. I was sensing something. Am I in the same nightmare with him? Oh Lord, what is he going through? His feathers wounded, his halo was dimming and he was running from the demons. He couldn’t see me in his dream, but I was exactly next to him, experiencing everything. We reached an abyss, there was a valley under our feet and we couldn’t fly. He tried. He went up a little, but he was falling down. Panting and crying he woke up. Suddenly he was in my arms, I could feel him shivering and his eye pearls running through his cheeks. Thank God his eyes were closed and He wasn’t conscious. After minutes, he got back to sleep. Got back through the door, felt both sadness and happiness. I wept. Emotions can mix unlike water and oil. I didn’t know what to do. I know actually, but it wasn’t wise. Telling him I got into his house from this magical door and I’m not a thief? And even if he accepts my nonsense, he may not accept me. I’m not from his world. Despite the angelic features he got, I’m half daemon. There is risk of being unloved again. Remember how God have thrust out our ancestor from the kingdom of heaven? He may do this as well. Not because I didn’t prostrate, but because I’m a daemon. Ok, HALF daemon, but still got my ancestor’s DNA. I couldn’t break these obstacles in my head. These barriers that kept me surrendering. Oh Lord, wish I was a complete angel. I sat on my bed, I wept and I wept and I wept and I wept. You could see my pathetic teardrops everywhere on my bed. I couldn’t do it. if there was one in the billions of getting accepted, the risks still outweigh the good part. There was no choice, at least in my mind. I brought it out and put it on something that could hold it. it was big and heavy. The stock was on the table. I put my forehead on its muzzle like it was his forehead, such a peace it could give me if it was really his. I looked myself in the mirror, weeping and shivering. planted a hole in my forehead. Though I was out of my body, I could see it. there was blood everywhere. My body was on the floor. I sat by my dear body, I wept and I wept and I wept. For the last time, I went to his bedroom, he was calm more than ever, shot and planted a kiss on his forehead, so he can always be peaceful, this shot wouldn’t kill him. It was a shot of love on his forehead. I could hear the ringing alarm, wasn't it strange. It seems I had to go to the university after going through all those shits. at least it was all a dream but remembering it still aches my hearts and makes my eyes wet.